sunnuntai 5. maaliskuuta 2017

Music Im not supposed to listen.

Its bizarre how I always seem to fall for music that is not "ok" to listen to. Since its been for couple years, around five(?), acceptable to listen to gothy stuff and even start gothbands even if  youre a punk nor crust Ive been in many ways bored of the darker stuff in a way. I mean, of course I fucking love all the darker music Ive been listening since my teens but theres just something upsetting when people who have been looking down on you for being "yourself" in the scene all the sudden like the same stuff NOW since its a trend hence ok to like and do. Also since the whole darker music, the anarchistic goth/darker punk whatever music has been (in my eyes at least) a big deal there has been an overflow of bands that often sound so much the same and look the same too....not bad but not really anything special maybe was the same during the 80s where you can find countless of bands that sound very much alike. Thats one of the reasons why Im bored. I hardly ever get really excited about new bands anyways, even if they happen to play my favorite type of music....

...anyways thats what gets me to my topic: music Im not supposed to listen. I must confess that I have not been listening actively to punk nor other stuff almost at all for couple of years, lets say I started to be intressed in other music types more when I got pregnant but also before that I just felt very stagnant about all music I used to listen to 24/7 and just hardly listened to it at all anymore. So your mind starts to wonder I guess to find new types of music especially if music has been extremely important to you, most of your life.

One of the genres that I have fallen in for couple of years now has been of course classical. It calms you down and usually the pieces last 2-4hrs so its easy to just put it on and relax or do whatever you want while listening at the same time. Tchaikovsky,  Aulis Sallinen, Mozart and Chopin are few of my many favorites.

Another music genre that has taken its grasp on me...oh well..sort of since I cant really call myself a fan of the type but like it for some odd reason is 70s-80s rap/hiphop. I just love how they created a music of their own with breaking the music of others(like Siouxsie and the Banshees for example) into pieces. Maybe its my old childhood me trying to get a hold since I actually danced hiphop dance when I was around 9 or something hehe..I have hated years though all sorts of rap/hiphop because when I was around 13-14 there was a huge popularity to that kinda music amongst the asshole jocks and trendy bitches etc in my school and so I really resented the whole finish hiphop thing that was going on all the fucking time on tvs and radios etc. Also the whole obnoxious pimps and ho's + capitalism glorifying has never spoken to me. Anyways, couple of years ago I learned that there's actually nice music from that genre. The numerous documents that Ive watched about this topic have been very interesting too.

As some of you might notice Afrika Bambaata used bands like Kraftwerk to make his sound. The kinda cut and paste style, the more or less ORIGINAL one of rap/hiphop/funk is fucking great and inspiring imo.

 I guess this is called more 80s westcoast techno than rap but I still find it funny to listen to. To my white ears it sounds like weird synthpop mixed with 80s rap. *thumbs up* :D

annnd one more type of music that "I should not" listen to is the MTV 90s industrial "agressive" techno stuff like this:

God I wanted to go to a party like this when I was a kid...I must've been around 6-7 when I saw this video often on MTV.

As much I still despise the 90s for being such a fucking anticlimax comparing to 80s theres still few bands and songs here and there that I admit are still to this day nice....and I think its the nostalgia that you can feel too if you grew up listening to these songs on a radio.

But yeah, there was my guilty pleasures, the music types that are wrong but Im so fucking jaded sometimes of the scenes that are the closest to my heart so I cant in a way help this leap to the LIGHTER SIDE..besides fuck the borders, rules and boxes. Im a fucking dark punk who likes some fucking Mozart, Afrika Bambaata and Prodigy every once in awhile :P If it takes some scenepoints off from me, fine, I have not cared about that kinda trivial shit in years anyways.

torstai 1. joulukuuta 2016

Describe you life ATM with a song:

Well I say what I mean
I say what comes to mind
I never get round to things
I'm living a straight, straight line
You know me--I'm acting dumb
You know the scene--very humdrum
Now I'm living in a movie
Which doesn't move me
I'm the one waiting for the phone to ring
You know me--I'm acting dumb
You know the scene--very humdrum
Now there's nothing behind me
And I'm already a has-been
My future ain't what it was
I think I know the words that I mean
You know me--I'm acting dumb
You know the scene--very humdrum
Boredom--boredom--be 'dumb, be 'dumb
I've taken this extravagant journey
So it seems to me
To arrive from nowhere
And to go straight back there
You know me--I'm acting dumb
You know the scene--very humdrum

Hi, just some photos to lighten up the mood.

All just different OOTD pics. Oh the modern times, how awful and self-centered we are.

Bitchrant about nothing important.

Why why why I have/have had so many horrible people around me?! I must be a really horrible person myself to deserve such bullshit. You know how I mentioned on a post before about my exband? Well there's more! I heard awhile back something really horrible from a person who I have played together in a same band who's part of the new project I was bitching about in my last post: the ex-guitarist who I had a bad fallout and arguments during our LP mastering was asked also to play in the new project too(insulting move from the other members to ask him but not suprising since they think Im the root of the problem as always) and he gave them a condition which was that the name has to stay the same. As in the same as it was when all of us were in the band. Completely malicious and unforgivable considering it was me who got this ex-guitarist in the band in the first place. I also kept on saying for years that we have to rehearse his songs too, he was too timid at the time to keep his foot down hence we mostly played only songs of the basist. Its partly thanks to me too that his songs are even on the LP but does he give a flying fuck? No, instead his being a proper asshole, too much imo. I mean I get it that his bitter and hates me for not liking his way of playing and when I mocked him for not understanding anything about punk, yeah, I get it hurts...but to command that the project he was asked to play has the same name, thats just fucking evil. Well thankly some(I doubt that all) of the members of the new project didnt agree on his asshole condition, Im suprised though that the other members had a drop of common decency after all left in them.

 Ahh just fuck my life. I really do try to see the positive things in life, try to be a better person etc. but then this kinda shit keeps on happening to me and really brings me down. I saw the wife of the ex-guitarist today too and I ignored her completely. Now for sure she will rant to her husband about what a horrible bitch I am because I didnt acknowlidge her existance... she's done shit like that in the past too and it basically cost the friendship of me and the ex-guitarist. I cant get a peace of mind from this drama. I really just want to move on even if Im very angry of what has happened. Writing it down here helps, sharing this pain and anger helps.

Thats it, Im done for now with my ranting.

torstai 24. marraskuuta 2016

Life, bands, music, pics...the basic crap.

Its been awhile since I last wrote anything in here...yet again. Fuck, all I wanna say is that this year generally has been quite shitty and Im glad its almost over.

From septemper 2016.

Things to mention:

  • Ive been so tired physically and mentally that I have not been able to do anything creative for a long time. Too many things in my personal life bringin me down. I'm so hateful and bitter to this one person who fucked me over worse than anyone has ever done and also how this person has just moved on with their life so easily and so on...this has been going on this whole year. It seems to get easier though as months pass by so hoping next year wont be this bad.
  • My zine feels like its almost dead. Been planning on making new posts and interviews but it always just stucks on being a plan instead of me really doing it.
  • One of my bands is more or less dead, these particular bandmates made a decision without me to keep things on "hiatus" but instead they started a new project with themselves of course not telling anything about it to me. Im such a bad cunt that they dont wanna play with me anymore a horrible bitch this is my say: bunch of backstabbing wussies...but then again, its not my business if they want to make music without me and shit happens+this is what I get from not being a puppet singer for a middlaged man's childish lyrics or refuse to sing to 90s sounding melodic type of boring metal crap eventhough we're suppose to be a punkband but being myself as an ill-natured big mouth and opinionated chick :D Anyways, bands are always drama like it or not. This band that I talk about was going nowhere though as sad as it is to admit it, just same old bars and same old drunken mistakes...some people are just content easier than me I guess.
  • I've been making my own music with my synthesizer, so far I have 5 songs composed with lyrics...I could start doing a demo soon enough I guess. This thought keeps me not going complete berserk on the ex-bandmates mentioned before. I dont know yet for sure what kinda genre its going to be...maybe some gothy stuff who knows.
my heart.

  • I also have another new band project starting, we have had yet just one practise but Im optimistic and happy about this... it feels great but Im also hesitating a bit because the early stages in a band can lead quickly to failure. *fingers crossed*

From July 2016.
  • I dont hate France nor french people. French alternative music is great, history and culture intriguing and for fucks sake I even dated someone from France many years ago! Please tell me if you hear more of these moronic lies spread of me and if its from facebook or other social media place, take a screenshot for me for evidence too. Im getting sick of this obsessive shit. Some people just wont let go ever and its scary and sad....there are so many bigger problems in the planet than someone not liking's one idea to do something useful with your obviously idle life: join the volunteers in your town who help refugees, in times like these all help is needed. Then you idle mind wouldnt be so occupied over stupid unimportant shit like spreading lies of me....and yes, Im aware that me writing this will most likely only spark more lies but I cannot just stay silent with such behavior because silence is more or less approval. Bad people get away with bullshit more if everyone just keep their mouth shut.
  • Trying to end this more in a positive note...I saw The Mob again live just recently, its still one of my absolute favorites + it was nice to chat with the guys for a bit this time. I was also lucky enough to get myself on the list because the gig was sold out, thanks to Antti from that. Check out btw his band Silent Scream. Great postpunk.
I dyed my hair YELLOW. October 2016.

Before going to Samhain party, Release the Bats 2016.

Thats about it. Here's a neat old classic from UK to end this, yet another rambling text in my blog. Its been playing in my head so much thanks to the latest band practise :)

lauantai 29. lokakuuta 2016

Haha! To all them cryptic lifestylepunks.

There's nothing wrong with Capitalism
There's nothing wrong with free enterprise
Don't try to make me feel guilty
I'm so tired of hearing you cry
There's nothing wrong with making some profit
If you ask me I'll say it's just fine
There's nothing wrong with wanting to live nice
I'm so tired of hearing you whine
About the revolution
Bringin' down the rich
When was the last time you dug a ditch, baby!
If it ain't one thing
Then it's the other
Any cause that crosses your path
Your heart bleeds for anyone's brother
I've got to tell you you're a pain in the ass
You criticize with plenty of vigor
You rationalize everything that you do
With catchy phrases and heavy quotations
And everybody is crazy but you
You're just a middle class, socialist brat
From a suburban family and you never really had to work
And you tell me that we've got to get back
To the struggling masses (whoever they are)
You talk, talk, talk about suffering and pain
Your mouth is bigger than your entire brain
What the hell do you know about suffering and pain . . .
There's nothing wrong with Capitalism
There's nothing wrong with Capitalism
There's nothing wrong with Capitalism
There's nothing wrong with Capitalism

maanantai 23. toukokuuta 2016

I live in 1985...ekstasy drive..

Loads of things have happened, I've been extremely exhausted thanks to few of should still try to stay positive though. At least I'm free from certain things.

I saw her live btw finally. All these pics are by me, we sat on pretty good seats. My heart jumped when the first walked on stage ah...

The gig itself was like watching a band jamming and rehearsing, not knowing that the fuck was the singer on and guessing what she's singing :D The worst thing what she said was that Darwin is wrong and when the audience laughed(I was just shocked eventhough I knew her profound christianity) she started to explain about nuclear reactors, science and babies and...oh gosh..such a shame too to hear one of your biggest idols to blurb out such things. Thankly she performed at least the Seemann-cover that I personally really like.

Other than that...I dont know...Im still a huge fan of Nina Hagen, I will never be a fan of Jesus nor other monotheistic gods. You could still see small glimpses of the old Nina Hagen with her expressions etc but still the gig itself left me cold. She's a withering, dying goddess...

Here's how I looked that day...

...pointless details :)

keskiviikko 6. huhtikuuta 2016


At the day that alien middle-eastern egoistical magician/witch died GOOD FRIDAY..I went to see friends band at the local punkbar, here's few pics from there..

 Like a true poser I took few selfies before leaving so this is how I looked on good friday.

Loldiers of Odin rule. Check them out, great and humorous antifa action.

This band was really funny, they reminded me of this group !

Nervous before the gig...

At the show itself. Their band is called Pandemia, hardcore with 2 (male) singers...lyrics in finish, russian, english.

From saturday, gothfun! I had even a hangover eventhough I had only one longdrink and 5 that had 2,9% alcohol hehe :D

Nothing out of the ordinary except the flowers. This day I was heading to a gothclub called Underworld and it was nice. I was way too overdressed because it was a cozy small place without a dancefloor but thats fine. I get to dress up so rarely anyways :) Thats why I wanted to take more selfies than usual even if I was not 100% pleased how I looked.  At the club I mostly hanged out with the same old school goths I usually end up talking to...these people could be my parents with their age but I have always enjoyed their company way more at clubs than people my own age. Besides, they were there then when the whole goth and punk movement started and still are around, what could be more interesting than hearing some nice stories from the 80s :)

There were other things too of course that happened but Im not going to share them here, bye.

torstai 24. maaliskuuta 2016

Spring depression, right on time

From pretty much my backyard...pretty gloomy huh? 
Allthough I like the gloomyness and crappyness, also it gets to me since I wanna be more positive.

When I was younger I used to love spring, for years though it has not been a pleasent time for me...especially from march to may ugh. Pollendust and streetdust makes spring also hard to tolerate not to mention the all the sudden STRONG AS FUCK SUNLIGHT burning your eyes :B Not my thing at all. 

In other news my band has been recording our LP, it went pretty fine..I had some trouble in the begining with my vocals but other than that its been good. Its "a bit" of a mixmash music LP since theres so many different people in our band...meaning for example that one likes more 90s metal/rock/grunge and another likes anything from Bad Religion to 80s uk punk like New Model Army. Then there's me with my own ideas and rock'n'roll drummer+ a crustpunk who likes also hiphop and black metal...oh and not forgetting our TANGO guitarist too hahaha :D Sometimes I dont even know do I like my band's music or not but hei, at least I get to sing and perform.

To keep my post yet again very rambling here's few OOTD pics from yesterday. This is my dailylife looks, not so overboard ;)